Fininte Number of Words

More of a public service announcement. Although I feel the need to entertain you with all that "JUST WRONG" I am chained to my computer for other un-fun reasons. Because of this I have discovered that I have a finite number of words I can put together in semi-coherent sentences in one day.

My number:  500

By December 20 I will either be condemned to live out my days without the possibility of moving up in the dog eat dog world or work -- forever wearing milk bone underwear.  OR, I will at least have the possibility of moving up the tree.

Only 1800 words a week stand in my way.... 

Don't expect too much new material until 20 December -- after that we have a lot catching up to do.

I have now expended 134 words ... 

The Festival of Meat

It starts with the coals and keep adding coalsand keeping it hot all night PATAGONIA 10-01 6th Ave. 342-3830 / 283-1578 Photos of El Ché, tango singer Carlos Gardel, boxing champions and tango music all put you in Argentina. The Confederate flag hanging in the corner doesn’t contribute to the atmosphere, but Argentina is in the south, after all. There are no fake Gaucho's running around feeding you chicken livers on a stick. You only get what you ordered the way you ordered: provided you know the Spanish word for medium or well -- otherwise you will get your meat the way God intended it to be -- Very red and dripping with blood. Rumor has it that the chef is rude, however that didn't seem to be the case the evening we ate there. I could see where having to shovel hot coals all night might make you unhappy, but on this evening the entire staff seemed happy enough with the gringos butchering the spanish and taking more photos then necessary. Be prepared to use all your words of Spanish - you will find no English spoken at this eatry but the risk is well worth it. Bottomline: when in Bogota run, don't walk to PATAGONIA. Bring a dictionary and become fluent with a bottle of the house red.

To Match or Not to Match

The first in the online dating series

As a social experiment and at the encouragement of the “imperfect man” (yea—Jake, the root of all questionable advice – more on that later) I opened a MATCH.COM account.  Something I was adamant about never ever EVER doing. 

So there I was.  Complete with lame profile.  In 10 minutes (it may have been less) I’m getting email after email.  In the first 24 hours no less then 87 men, ranging in age from 24 to 60 had contacted me.  (for the record ... if your at either end of the bell curve you are on auto delete).

What does contact mean in the world of MATCH.COM – since they give you this nifty stats counter it’s easy to see what kind of guys are virtually eyeing you up: 

VOYEURS:  The ones that just look at your profile or press the “I’m Interested button”.  

STALKERS: The one that look at your profile several times a day and never contact you in any form.

TESTER:  There is this wink feature for guys that are afraid of flat out rejection - precursor to the coward.

COWARDS:  These dudes just keep winking – sort of like a game of online epilepsy

FISHERMEN:  These dudes at least send email but it’s the same as getting a form letter from a mortgage company (see reprint below):

“I read your profile and you seem really interesting.  I think we have a lot in common and might be a good match.  Lets get together to have coffee.”

ANGRY MAN:  They email you but in the email they talk about how stuck-up (or bitchy) all the girls on-line seem (or their ex-girlfriend, or ex-wife).  Sometimes you get the feeling that it’s the combo Angry Man / Net Caster.  Avoid this guy at all cost.

CLOSER:  The email that insists on a date and time to see you.  Some of these you get the feeling that they are treating you like an item on Ebay.  Beware of these clowns as well. 

Next time … advice to men that treat match like it’s the virtual meat market it is.